Poem: Caversham Yard

 


Caversham Yard

(with apologies to Max Bygraves)

A mouse lived in a kitchen in Caversham Yard,

Old buildings with mice in are hardly surprising,

He thought every evening: how lucky we are,

Living in a restaurant in Caversham Yard.

I saw a mouse! Where?

There on the stair,

There on the stair, right there,

A little mouse with germs on,

Well, I declare!

Going plip-plip pity plop on the stair, right there.

*****

This mouse he got married and took him a wife,

His mouse-hood was rising, it’s hardly surprising,

They thought every night-time: how lucky we are,

Breeding in a bedroom in Caversham Yard.

I saw two mice! Where?

There on the cheese,

Down on their knees, right there,

A mouse without protection,

Well, if you please!

Going drip-drip pity drop everywhere, right there,

*****

These mice started breeding like ants in a hill,

He took no precautions. She’d mislaid her Pill,

And they squeaked every night-time: how lucky we are,

Breeding like vermin in Caversham Yard.

I saw some mice! Where?

There in the flour,

Eating our flour, right there.

Some mice with salmonella,

Well, I declare!

Going plip-plip pity plop everywhere, right there.

*****

A rat lived in a hotel in Caversham Yard,

Old buildings with rats in are hardly surprising,

He thought every morning: how lucky we are,

Living in a bedroom in Caversham Yard.

I saw some rats! Where?

Eating a pear,

Eating a pair, right there,

They contravene Food Safety,

Well, I declare!

Going plip-plip pity plop on the pear, right there.

*****

The restaurant has closed down, the kitchen is bare,

A hotel with mice in, it’s hardly surprising,

The owner’s in prison, the chef got the sack,

The food has gone mouldy, the chutney’s turned black,

We feed every night-time, how lucky we are,

Living in the ruins of Caversham Yard…

I saw a bird! Where?

There on the stair,

There on the stair,

Right there!

I think it’s called a pigeon,

Well, I declare!

Going plip plip-pity plop on the stair!

*****

The meals were delicious, the waiters were nice,

There’s no-one alive now,

But a whole load of mice!

Think TWICE!


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